31.07.2016

Term 2 was not even close to being more productive whatsoever. Although it was more hectic than last term. I found myself going home later than usual and I always feel tired out.

Anyways Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri :D It's actually already 26 Syawal but I'm still feeling a little bit of the raya vibes and the string lights are still switched on just to keep it that way until it officially ends. I had quite a good raya although it was a very short one because there was school before and after raya. Nonetheless it felt quite productive. We went to pray, visit my aunt at her new home, visited my grandmother and then two other houses from my mother's side. We came home quite early just in time for us to prepare for school the next day.

When the weekend came around, I was super excited for it because then we got to continue our raya. To be honest, I was not looking forward to raya only until the last few days of Ramadhan which was only when I felt a bit more hyped for it. I didn't get to go raya with friends though because we all turned out to be busy bees and couldn't really find a common time to go together. It only came down to three people being available but I wasn't really feeling it then anymore. Maybe next year we'll be able to catch up and go out together.

We're smack in the middle of the term and I am left with 5 weeks before the semester break and I am definitely looking forward to it because it will be six weeks of vacation for me and I'll be spending two weeks of it in Surabaya for community service. I was really pleased and grateful for getting accepted into this project because other projects to other countries were not really appealing to me. It is a lot of work, we are busy planning and it's another load of work on top of all our other work but I'm hopeful that it will all be worth it.

Alina x


07.06.2016

I always seem to be in a bad mood whenever I'm about to put up a new post. It's June already and we started the fasting month yesterday. It's been okay so far.

In the first week of May, I had a class outing/bonding session with my classmates which was mandatory. They basically forced us to build friendships through that day. I guess it was okay. I was really dreading it at first, I got really mad at the seniors for making something like that compulsory. But the activities were fine. We played ice-breaker games, designed our own cardboard shields, did station games, got myself soaked from the neck below.

The seniors were more conscious about whether we were comfortable doing the activities, most probably because of me but I'm not complaining. Towards the end of the day, it started pouring heavily and we just went home.

On one of the Saturdays, I went to my secondary school friend's college to watch her perform. It was her drama assessment but the theater was packed nonetheless. I had never been to a formal drama performance so it was a whole new experience for me. I found it slightly difficult for me to understand what the actors were talking about because every single one of them were playing different roles. At the end of the performance, everyone else was taking photographs and congratulating the performers.

I later found out that we were supposed to get the performers flowers. I guess it's etiquette? But like I said, it was my first time experiencing something like that so whatever. I guess I'll do that the next time. Then we went to eat at a really late timing and then we just went home. It was a pretty fun night spending time with the group of friends I used to hang with in school.

Then I had my mid-semester tests. Some of the papers were okay, others were really bad. I felt really awful especially for physiology & biochemistry because it was a really hard module and there was a whole lot of content to remember. I think maybe I'm getting more used to the new school life now and hopefully the next term will be so much better and productive.

Alina x


02.05.2016

Happy Labour Day! In the first week of April I volunteered to help out my secondary school in a recycling project. We call it R3 Day whereby the whole school goes out to different neighbourhoods in the area to collect newspapers, old clothes and other recyclables to be recycled. The money then goes to the school's student funds to help out those needing financial assistance. It all happened really fast and we were released about 3 hours before the stipulated dismissal time. It was pretty fun getting to know other alumni members at the same time.

Before my school term started, we had a pre-module practical session and the first half of it was actually really interesting and cool. We learned more in-depth things of what we did in secondary school and learned how to use the microscope. I met a few people who were/were not from my diploma course and they were all really friendly. After lunch, the second half of the session was really boring and we wasted a lot of time trying to get results which in the end didn't come up. So we were dismissed an hour earlier.

The next week I started the orientation programs for school and it was a very sad (?) experience for me. The first day was alright, it was just a welcome ceremony and getting to know our tutors. The second day was the induction programme and that was when it all went downhill. We had to do station games and it got all too overwhelming for me. I felt absolutely uncomfortable and I started panicking. I felt weak and wanted to excuse myself but we were all too busy playing the games.

It reached a peak when they made us do a forfeit because my team lost (we lost every single game btw) and we were made to do a really objectifying/inappropriate "cheer". By that time I wanted to kill myself so badly. I started getting an anxiety attack and one of the seniors came up to me and grabbed me by the wrists. That was when the tears started coming and I felt so stupid. She pulled me out of the classroom and I started sobbing. Like almost-screaming-sobbing because I felt like a fool and I wanted to die and I hated myself at that moment.

They took me to the washroom and I continued sobbing out of embarrassment. At that moment, in my head, I thought I was such an idiot, panicking just like that. I wanted everyone to leave me alone and just let me disappear. I was too embarrassed to tell them what was really going on in my head so they just assumed that I was uncomfortable with the boy-girl contact during the forfeits. I didn't want to go back to the games so soon because my eyes were still bloodshot red and I would just relapse. So one of the seniors took me to go for a short walk around the campus.

When I felt slightly calmer, she took me back and I was too scared of making eye contact with anyone because I didn't want them to see my post-crying face. I joined in the last game and then it was all over. I didn't tell anyone about what happened, only those in the room at that point of time knew about it. Afterwards we had tryouts for sports but my friend persuaded me to just ditch it and go home because she was too lazy. I didn't want to go home so soon, I kind of just wanted to stay there a bit longer but she really begged me to just go so I did eventually.

My parents came home shortly after I did and they had an argument. They've argued a lot these couple of weeks, for reasons I thought only had to do with their mood swings but somehow end up being a big deal. I was already feeling like shit from what happened just now and I just sunk deeper into a hole of wanting to kill myself. They went out afterwards, leaving me alone at home. I was too exhausted to think about ending my life there and then or pulling my hair out. I just crawled into bed and cried like a baby. I fell asleep in a sopping mess until my sister came home.


04.04.2016

Hello, we're now in the month of April and I start school next week but I do have a pre-module session tomorrow. In March, I did some volunteer work. I helped to pack some goodie bags for a charity event/fair and it was cool. The bags were made from recycled material so there was fluff everywhere and it made my nose itch a lot. Me and another lady who volunteered were given an allowance which was weird because it was supposed to be done voluntarily. I was still really grateful for it anyway.

Then during the primary/secondary school March holidays, I went to Batam with my family for the first time in my life and it was fun. We took a ferry there and did a lot of shopping. We stayed in our hotel and just chilled, watched dramas and movies. We went out for dinner at a cafe/restaurant. For their standard, it was considered a pretty hipster cafe so it was cool. I had a really good meal there although it took really long. I really enjoyed the trip although I was struggling with my monthly dose of mood swings.

Like I said in my previous post, I'm really excited to start school. I'm really hoping to be able to pull through the orientation programme quickly because they are my nightmare. I look forward to learning new things and getting a whole different experience in my education. It's not going to be easy but I'm willing to do it.

Have a great month!

Alina x


01.03.2016

Time really does fly and I have not done much in the past two months. I did volunteer to mind some children the other day and it was pretty fun not because of the children but because of the other volunteer who was apparently Irish and he was good-looking (mmhmm). Not to mention his accent which could have caused me to melt into a drain.

Then over the weekends I hosted two Japanese students. They stayed at my home and we went out to some of the places of interest in Singapore. It was pretty exciting although the language barrier made things slightly complicated. At least they didn't die so that's a good thing. Now I'm more than ever hoping to visit Japan so that I can meet up again with them and explore Japan because I've never been there before.

March seems like a pretty exciting month and I cannot wait to do loads of other things. I already have another volunteer project coming up and school will be starting next month. I got really excited when I received my enrolment package, seriously. I'm looking forward to starting over in a new school and I want to enter it with the right attitude.

Alina x


10.02.2016

So after I got back my results, I applied for a course in Singapore Polytechnic under Biomedical Science and it was one of my most wanted courses even before the O level examinations. I prayed really hard that I would be accepted and voila! I did get accepted into the school and I was overjoyed because it was one of my biggest goals after O levels. Now I just need to continue working hard and get my diploma at the end of the 3 years.

I went out with my best friend over the Chinese New Year long weekend because that was the only time she was available and I didn't have to be with my family. We decided to go to the Science Centre although both of us had already been there before. It was still really fun. We spent about two to three hours wandering around and playing on a trampoline until it started raining. There weren't any sheltered areas so we had to walk in the rain.

We had lunch and she started feeling nauseous, probably because of the trampoline and us running in the rain when it was still sunny. Thankfully she didn't get a fever. We took the train home and she rested afterwards. Although we didn't spend so much time of the day together, I was really happy to be able to see her because it has been about a year since we met after she graduated. It will also be much more difficult meeting up with her now when I start school.

We'll work it out :)

Alina x


11.01.2016

Happy New Year and a great start of the year for me. I received my 'O' Level results today and they were very pleasing. I had lunch with a group of my classmates before we went to school and it was pretty awkward considering the fact that almost all of us were introverts and we didn't really know what to say to each other. Anyway, then we walked to school and it was crazy. We had some briefings beforehand and when they announced the names of those who scored 7 or more distinctions, I was getting anxious.

So many people went upstage and I was slightly hoping that I would be one of them too. But they bypassed all those people who scored 7 or more distinctions and I got slightly upset because that was the only thing that I could have gotten, but I didn't. I was happy for the others, though. Then we received our result slips individually and I was overjoyed. I got 6 distinctions, better than what I expected. I was also eligible for many courses that I wanted in polytechnics. I may have teared up in joy but thankfully only one of my classmates knew.

I was very happy with myself and my dad was there too. I really appreciate my parents because they understood me well enough and never pressured me to do exceptionally well. They remained supportive throughout and encouraged me to strive for higher goals without being forceful or anything. My dad drove me home and right now I'm just chilling for a bit. Maybe tomorrow I'll do some research before applying for the courses that I want to pursue. Then maybe discuss with my parents before applying.

Today has been really great. I'm proud of myself, even though my results weren't close to those of a top scorer. I'm genuinely thankful for my supportive parents as well as teachers. Another phase in my education has ended but it is also starting a new phase. :)

Alina x

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