09.12.2014

Hello! On Saturday I actually forgot to mention that I baked cookies. They turned out lovely and better than the last time I baked them. Also, I realised that my flour was expired but I used it nonetheless because it was only about a week since it expired and I felt that it was still okay to use it. There is still some leftover though and I have the craving to bake somemore. I googled a brownie recipe and I'll just need cocoa powder for it which we do not own currently. Hopefully I'll be able to get some and the brownie will turn out a success.

The next day I visited my grandmother and it was really fun until it started to pour heavily and we couldn't play outside. I was also contemplating whether or not I should stay the night but I didn't have any changing clothes. I decided to just take a longer but sheltered journey back home and we got home slightly wet. I enjoyed the train ride (somehow) but I really despised the bus ride. It took us about 20 minutes until a bus arrived and the bus driver was practically careless and I mean literally not caring about the passengers. We nearly fell over everytime the bus started to move and whenever it made a sharp turn. It was so annoying but we got home safe.

Yesterday and today has been stay-at-home days and honestly I haven't been feeling my best. I was worried, anxious, irritated and I just felt really down. I spent most of the day in bed and only getting out of it to get food and then I crawl back into bed. I sound like a depressing whale but I honestly hated the way I felt. I was thinking of my parents, they are currently in Jordan and they will be traveling into Palestine. Of course, how can I not feel uneasy? My heart just tightened and I kept imagining situations which obviously is really stupid of me. It made me feel much more worse.

On Twitter and Instagram, I see many people posting pictures and talking about how they spent their day. Most of them looked really fun and enjoyable and it somehow just made me feel even more alone even though I know I have friends too and I can spend my days just like them. I really don't like how I was feeling and I wish I didn't make myself do that every single time.

On a much brighter note (I suppose), tomorrow I will be going out with two of my friends and we're going to Ikea which sounds really exciting. I'm looking forward to getting more candles because I really love them and some of them have dessert scents!! The food at their canteen is also really delicious and I just hope it will be a really fun day with them.

Alina
x

P.S. Even though I sound enthusiastic and excited about it, I'm still kind of anxious at the same time. I turned them down when they invited me out once and I don't know, I just feel really scared of what they might think of me. I know they're two of my closest friends but I still have this feeling of anxiety. I really hate it and I hate that I constantly go through this everytime there's a social event or just a simple outing. I hate it so much. I have so much going through my mind and I think of unhealthy situations that make me freak out. I am so sorry to whoever I'm affecting and causing inconvenience to especially my parents because they usually brush it off and think of me as being really annoying. My friends because most of them have no idea what happens in my head. I don't like it either honestly. I really don't.

P.P.S. I'm sorry this post was so stupid.

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