17.08.2013

Hello! So today my family is actually having an open house and many of my relatives are here and its just been really great. I thought hm maybe i'll just stay cooped up in my room until they're all gone. Um i was expecting my best friend to turn up but she didnt and i was slightly disappointed but thats okay. i need some me-time like seriously. just give me one day to do it and i will do it. i'll read a whole book, watch a movie, buy unimportant stuff etc

ugh now i seriously feel like doing all of those but people just need me around so much. okay so the past week has been really stressful and tiring. first thing, i had my common test papers and i really didnt put in a lot of effort in it. i come home later than usual and after dinner i would fall asleep most of the times accidentally and i'll naturally wake up at 2-4 in the morning and go like SHIT UGH. and i'll rush through all my revisions and stuff. next thing, i've been having a lot of peer pressure. most people would think it as a really small, stupid and unimportant problem but it affected me quite greatly

i think i might be having social anxiety its like whenever i talk to someone i get really conscious because i'm afraid of saying something which will make them judge me in a negative way. ugh now that i think of it, it's really stupid. ugh idk. i cried almost every night this week and it was really depressing having to drag myself to school when i seriously dont have the strength to anymore. i'm just really really afraid.

so overall i feel that i won't be doing well for this common test like i seriously have no more hope for this term. i still have one more paper on monday which is math. in my opinion, i feel that i'm seriously lacking in math class. like everyone is zooming past ahead of me. i understand the concepts and everything but i'm struggling to catch up because everyone seems to be able to answer the questions in a much shorter method than my method which is usually really really really long. i usually take quite a long time on a question and i'm afraid that i won't be able to finish my paper on monday. ugh i'm seriously scared.

wish me luck.
x

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